The Boys Visit The Old Neighborhood
The boys moved to Westchester County after they came of age and married in the Bronx.
“Let’s go and see what our old neighborhood looks like after all these years.”
“Who’s driving?”
“I thought you said you were.”
“No. I’m low on gas.”
“You were always low on gas. Even when we lived there sixty years ago.”
“Always low on gas? You didn’t even have a car when we lived there.”
“I didn’t need a car. The Boston Road trolley took me to the Morrisania library.”
“Oh. The library. An intellectual. That’s why I never saw you at our stickball games.”
“Stickball? Where did it get you? Braking on top of a speeding freight car.”
“And where did the library get you? Standing in front of a tub with corrosive chemicals slithering down your throat..”
“At least it got me a car.”
“Yeah, but low on gas.”
“Come on you guys, stop the the combat. I can’t wait to see what happened to our neighborhood. Come on, get in.”
“What’s with this car? No air-conditioning? I started sweating as soon as I sat down.”
“You want to get out and walk home?”
“I’ll stay, but I’ll have to open a window.”
“The window on your side doesn’t work. I’ll open my window.”
“Your window is nowhere near me. My t-shirt is soaked with sweat.”
“Hey, you guys, are we going to the neighborhood or do you want to stay here and attack each other?”
“He started it with his nasty, “low on gas.”
“Close the door and both of you shut up.”
“What’s this? The Dover Theater is a Pentecostal church?” It was one of the first air-conditioned theaters in the Bronx, Cool as a Pool they advertised.”
“Yeah, Cool as a Pool, but this car is as hot as grill.”
“Another word out of you and I’ll shove you out and into this dangerous neighborhood.”
“Go another block, opposite Hermann Ridder.”
“What is this? Where are the tenements? Only the New House has remained.”
“How did my 1540 tenement shrink into a ranch house?”
“Boy, are you stupid. Didn’t you read how President Carter came here and said this area must be demolished?”
“Hey! Speaking of read, remember when Peanzy’s father was reading the dictionary and we would ask him what letter he was up to?”
“He bought the candy store and sold it to Refugee Jack.”
“Oh, remember, the ditty I wrote, “Refugee Jack, The Sex Maniac”
Refugee Jack’s A sex maniac There’s no such thing as a piece of dreck To Jack, Jack the sex maniac.
“Stop! Your voice is getting me nautious.”
“What went on in there could have sold out performances on Broadway.”
“What a cast. Fat Anne and Flat Anne, Strictly, Gravel Gertie, The Creep, The Rail, Trench Feet, The Bandit, Gums, The Mask, The Nose.”
“Yeah. I could see Cecil B. DeMille lining them up for another “spectacular”.
“They’d have to improvise. They’re so senile now that they’d never remember their lines.”
“That’s what would make it a “spectacular”.
“I can’t take this anymore. This isn’t the Bronx that we knew. Drive down a few blocks to see where the Czar of Jennings Street, Jake the Pickleman once fired insults at the speed of a burp gun
.“He was killed.”
“How do you know?”
“If you bought a newspaper and read it, you too would know.”
“I’m sick of the insults. We’re going home.”