The Boys Meet in the Diner
Their conversation at their weekly visit to the diner could have made the Merck Manual a New York Times best seller.
“I take so many pills that the bottom of my stomach resembles the keys of an old typewriter.”
“And what about my pacemaker/defibrillator? My chest looks like a deck of cards was planted in it.”
“Spell defibrillator.”
“I can’t spell it, but it knocked me on my ass last week when I went to putt on the twelfth hole at the golf course.”
“You know, my grandfather said, “Getting old is not for sissies.”
“What choice do we have? Put an end to ourselves at 50?”
“Oh, here comes Manny.”
“Am I late? I thought you said we’d meet at one.”
“You can’t remember your own name without looking at your dog tag.”
“We’re having a salad, join us.”
“A salad? Unless it’s all radishes, I can’t eat it.”
“What do you want? Something more sophisticated like chopped liver?”
“I take Warfarin so greens are out ever since I had a quadruple bypass.”
“So, what about that chopped liver?”
“It’s crammed with cholesterol. I’m taking Lipitor to lower my cholesterol.”
“I’m taking…I’m taking. Do you ever eat real food?”
“I made browned chicken yesterday without the skin.”
“Who bakes chicken without the skin? It probably tasted like the chicken at MacDonalds.”
“Are you making fun of my cooking?”
“Julie, did you ever bake chicken without its skin?”
“Oh. We have a new maven on cooking.”
“In the army I ate Shit on a Shingle. It wasn’t bad.”
You probably thought devouring a can of C-rations and a sip on Lister bag water was a gourmet dinner.”
“Here comes the salads and your peanut butter sandwich. These dishes are for food connoisseurs?”
“Spell connoisseurs.”
“Spell it? You can’t even pronounce it.”
“And if I spell it right what will happen?”
“Are you really going to eat that peanut butter sandwich? The last time I had one was in sixth grade, and I didn’t finish it.”
“Peanut butter is rich in protein, potassium and its good for the health of your bowels.”
“Now you’re talking. I could sit on a bowl for two hours without squeezing out a fart.”
“These are meals for old men who should be in nursing home.”
“Old I am, but in a nursing home never.”
“I’ll show you. Come with me to the gym after we eat.”
“You can’t go to the gym after you eat. You’ll get a heart attack.”
‘I just want to show you the equipment in my gym.”
‘I’m afraid I’ll get a heart attack just by looking at it.”
“Don’t be a shmuck. Maybe you’ll join.”
“I’m going home to join my pillow. It’s time for my nap.”
“A nap? Nobody naps during the day?”
“I do and what are you going to do about it?”
“I’ll see you guys next Wednesday at one.”
“Tell your wife. You wouldn’t remember.”